Crucial Wrong Turns

No internet: Day 8.

Yes, you read that correctly. I haven't had the internet for more than a week. Every connection I've had to the outside world has come courtesy of my Blackberry, and for anyone who has said aggravatingly difficult device, you feel my pain.

**Warning: this post from here on out is just me putting thoughts to screen. If it's boring, a bit cheery for me or just insane ramblings, don't say I didn't warn you to stop reading.**

Fortunately today I managed to pack up my belongings and head to the future (ok, The Morning Times) to connect to the outside world. One large black coffee, one banana and one fully-read Indy Week later, I'm a satisfied lady.

This past week, there have been a million things about which I've wanted to blog, but when I finally sat down to put words to screen, the only thing I can think about is my Indy Week horoscope. Don't get me wrong, I put as much stock in my horoscopes as I put in this month's Cosmo quiz, but then I saw this:

Capricorn: So it turns out that the "blemish" is actually essential to the beauty. The "deviation" is at the core of the strength. The "wrong turn" was crucial to you getting back on the path with heart. I have rarely seen a better example of happy accidents, Capricorn. You may not realize it quite yet - although I hope this horoscope is bringing it all into focus - but you have been the beneficiary of a tricky form of divine intervention. One good way of expressing your gratitude is to share with friends the tale of how you came to see that the imperfections were perfect.

In a few months, I've gone from an account executive at a public relation agency, a bright career on my horizon, a certainty that I was on the right path, to a waitress and full-time volunteer with a blog and a question mark lingering on every aspect of my current and future life.

Sure, we can't all go through mid-life crises at 23, but maybe we can take a second to step away from the shoulds, the musts, the ought tos and the have tos, and evaluate our lives, our thoughts, our actions, our jobs on a scale of quality rather than quantity.

In any given week, how many of our decisions are made by simply taking the path of least resistance? Do we ever say, to hell with what I should do, today I'm living for me.

I'm going to go on a date with that punked-out, wannabe rockstar skateboarder who is completely wrong for me just because I want to. I'm going to stop saying, "I wish I had time to volunteer at the SPCA," and just take a day off and do it. I'm going to read that cheesy romance novel instead of the classic just because I feel like it. I'm going to put my family's and my own happiness above everything else. I'm going to question everything in the universe and the heavens and not feel guilty for not believing what everyone else believes.

I should caveat this posting with acknowledging that this may be a case of "do as I say and not as I do." I'm always my own worst critic (just ask Erin). I usually find fault in everything that I do or say, every aspect of my personality, but that may just be the point.

Are the wrong turns, the blemishes in our personalities, the deviations from the "shoulds" essential to figuring out the truth and meaning in our lives? Do we spend to much time worrying about the future to stop and enjoy the present?

I suppose Twain said it best in this often-used cliche of a quote:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Maybe today is the day for me to take my horoscope's advice, and tell you the tale of how I'm trying to learn everyday that it's the imperfections in life that may just make it perfect.

**See, I told you I was feeling especially cheery/nonsensical today. This is what too much time to think and not distract myself with the internet does. You were warned.**